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Learn to Eat Healthy Consistently and Joyfully

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Join me for Part 3 of a 4-Part series on the 4 Basics of Eat to Live and Weight Loss. Today we delve into 3 Emotional Tools that you can use on your journey to learn more about the mindset aspect of Eating to Live.

 

Links Mentioned:

Free 9-Day Eat to Live Challenge: http://www.thewateringmouth.com

Free live 5-day challenges: http://www.thewateringmouth.com/challenge

Eat to Live Family: http://www.thewateringmouth.com/family

*affiliate links

 

YouTube auto-generated transcript:

 

welcome back to this four part series on the four basics of eat to live and weight loss

last week we talked about three of my practical weight loss tools 

this week we are going to be diving into the more mindset emotional kind of side of things

and we’re going to be learning some emotional tools on mindset

so i’m going to go into five things on this particular podcast the first two

things are two hindrances and then the next three are three

mindset tools so kind of the problem and solution here on this podcast so

let’s go through the hindrances first

i’m gonna give you a couple examples that sort of give you a bit more

explanation of this so number one is the example i love to give 

of something called the thought bully

so i imagine this thought bully back in

the day when i used to be really really

addicted to food and say i would have

something in the fridge like oatmeal or

bread or some you know some type of a

carb that was triggering for me in some

way that i would just want to eat it

when i started looking at my thought

patterns i started noticing that every

time i would open the fridge and there

would be something in there or a cupboard or whatever whatever

i would open that fridge and i would see

something prepared that was easy to make

like maybe it was that bread or maybe i

had a container of oatmeal in there or

something when i would see that oatmeal

in there spark all these thoughts this

just like train of automatic thoughts

like there’s the oatmeal you have to eat it

it looks so delicious oh my gosh that’s

gonna be so satisfying so filling and

guess what when you start eating it

you’re just gonna have to eat the whole

thing because you have no willpower you

can’t stop you’re gonna eat that whole thing

you know go ahead just try and shut that

fridge door it’s you’re gonna think

about it the whole time you’ll never be

able to stop thinking about it and

you’re gonna eat the whole thing right

it was this like constant barrage of

this is what you’re going to be doing

and you don’t have a choice

so i had the story in my head like this that every time i was

kind you know come face to face with

something that was tough for me to

resist i definitely wouldn’t be able to resist it

and it would end up being just this huge

binge overeat now i realize you know we

think about the thoughts that we have in our head

and i mean we have thousands and

thousands of thoughts every day so many

of them i mean some you know some

estimates will put us at 6 000 thoughts

per day some will put us up to 60 000

thoughts per day so however many

thoughts we have it’s a lot right and

like half of them or more are negative

and about things that are in the past so

there’s sort of these automatic repeated

thoughts that we’ve just been having for

so long because we’ve been having them

for so long and they end up becoming

beliefs so i want you to think about the

kinds of thoughts that happen in your

brain regularly now you might have never

even thought about this before or

considered this before maybe your your

brain just sort of goes automatically

all the time and you never even really

think about what you’re thinking about

but this is one of the amazing things we

have as humans is this tool this this

type of brain it’s the section of our

brain the prefrontal cortex that allows

us to think about what we’re thinking

about so i challenge you if you’ve never

done this before or if you’re kind if

you feel kind of out of touch with this

start trying to think about what you

think about so notice what are these

little stories that happen in your brain

when you go to restaurants or when

you’re going to a holiday party or you

know it’s the weekend you’re going to go

out with your girlfriends whatever

or just you’re at home and you’re

standing in front of your fridge and you

know you have this inner dialogue about

how you’re never going to be able to

stop eating that food or whatever that might be

or you know you need those appetizers to

make you feel like you’re part of the group or whatever

i’m going to look weird if i don’t order

this these kinds of things right so

start to first become aware look at

these thoughts that are occurring in

your brain and see if you can start to

pick them out and see how they might be

influencing you now i want you to

imagine this idea of the thought bully

now imagine that

you know set of thoughts that i gave you

when i was in front of the fridge is not

very encouraging right like you’re going

to eat all that you have no willpower you want me to stop

those kinds of thoughts are super

negative now imagine that as a person

standing behind you saying that to you

right so this is our thought bully

it’s something that we have in our heads

all the time we might have this

thoughtfully as well when we’re standing

in front of the mirror and we notice

things about ourselves and we’re kind of

just like taking in what our body looks

like oh i don’t like this about my body

i need to change this about my oh my

gosh i have to go on a diet right now

this is horrible how did i let myself

get here right imagine this as an actual person

standing behind us that’s just saying

this to us so let’s just imagine it’s

some guy he’s like 45 you know he’s he’s

standing behind us he never touches us

he just stands behind us and berates us

right he’s kind of a jerk he’s a bully

for sure right he just stands there

behind us and just gives us this

dialogue of what we’re supposed to be

thinking now imagine that that’s your

thoughts okay and if you can think of the thoughts i

had when i stood in front of the fridge a long time ago

that was my story and that’s what my

bully was telling me all the time now

we accept this as normal we just accept

this all the time as you know it’s our

it’s our it’s our soundtrack basically

inside of our head it’s the soundtrack

that’s constantly playing in our minds

we accept this we’d never question it we

just let it happen now i want you to imagine that this

person is standing behind you

but now i want you to imagine that it’s not you

that he’s standing behind i want you to

imagine that it’s like your little

daughter that he’s standing behind or

it’s your best friend that he’s standing

behind or it’s some somebody that you

really love and care about that he’s

standing behind just berating and just

creating this negative situation

now if you imagine this as someone that you love instead of yourself

right if you imagine this thought bully

bullying somebody that you love

maybe it’s a young girl that you know

maybe a a six-year-old girl or a 10 year old girl or something

imagine him just yelling at her telling

her you have no control you are fat you

are ugly you need to change you know you aren’t good enough as you are

and imagine it’s these thoughts are being said to someone

you love doesn’t that feel a little bit

more powerful than if we just imagine it

happens to us but why are we okay with

the abuse happening in our own heads but

we wouldn’t be okay with it happening in

the heads or you know a thoughtfully

behind somebody that we truly care about that’s not us

why can’t we care about ourselves the

same way alright so that’s the first

kind of exercise i wanted to go through and just give you

a characterization of maybe what your

thoughts are like and i want you to

start being conscious of just how negative

and bully-like they are okay something

to consider those are that’s a huge

hindrance for us when we have those

thoughts okay the other thing i want you

to consider is something that i call the cravings monster

and this is just something to consider

that’s possible for you down the line so

we talked about this thought bullying

how it might be just like a sort of a

soundtrack in our brain that that never

gets turned down but we don’t really

care about it anymore because we hear it

all the time or whatever but now i want

you to imagine your cravings

as an actual tiny little monster like let’s say he’s

maybe the size of a cat and i always

picture this one as i’m sitting on my

old couch in my old apartment and this

monster is on my lap now he’s not very

cute he’s kind of cute like his body’s cute maybe but like his face not very

cute he has really sharp claws and he’s

on your lap and he’s kind of clawing at your

face a little bit he’s he’s really like kind

of rambunctious and he’s

just in your face now imagine that is

your cravings that little cute slash

terrible terrifying monster is your cravings right

in your face that’s what that’s what

it’s like when we come to the eat to

live diet from the standard american

diet maybe we have you know just really

strong cravings maybe some emotional

eating but maybe we go so far as to

being like i used to be with a bunch of

binge eating and hoarding and things

like that so that’s what that cravings

monster is like when i mean it’s in our

face we can’t ignore it we have these

really strong cravings right now

we start to eat the heat to live diet we

start to get some nutrients we start to detox our body a little bit

and then what happens which is so cool

is that we are then able to take those

thoughts or those cravings themselves

and we sort of can put them in a little

cage we can put that little cravings

monster in a cage down a couple feet from us on the floor okay

but the annoying part is is that we can

still hear him we still can see him he’s

really bothersome he’s really scratching

on that cage right now it’s not the

worst thing ever but like it’s really

annoying and he keeps scratching and you

can’t watch tv because he’s constantly

you know making you think about whatever

food you’re craving or whatever that’s

what happens when you start to do eat to live a little bit

you can sort of put it aside a bit but

you can’t get it out of your mind right

these cravings are still there now the

more and more and more we detox and we

eat these foods and we bring in more

antioxidants and phytochemicals and

nutrients into our body and fiber and

all that the further and further away we can push that

cage with the cravings monster a little

craving monster back and we just keep

pushing it back until one day we’ve been

doing this lifestyle for so long we’ve

been detoxing for so long we are so good

at eating massive quantities of these

foods and just feeling so good we’re at

our healthy weight etc

now this craving this box this cage with the little

cute slash terrifying cravings monster

is now in another room in the closet

with the door shut okay

that’s kind of how it goes but the thing

i want you to keep in mind is that we

didn’t get rid of that craving sponsor it’s still in the house

we we kind of know it’s there we forget

about it a lot right our cravings we

forget about a lot it is in another room

but if we were to start eating standard

american diet food again oh that guy’s

going to come right back he’s going to

come back up okay so i want you to

consider these two concepts the cravings

monster the little cute terrifying

cravings monsters and the thought bully

who’s standing behind us but not just us

standing behind people that we love

now this is kind of  illustrations of the hindrances that we

deal with when we come into this

lifestyle it’s our thoughts and it’s our

cravings and what we say is that our

thoughts create our feelings our

feelings create our actions our actions

create our results so if we want

different results the thing we have to

work on is our thoughts okay so

those are the things that we’re going to

talk about that’s kind of the basis here

for what we’re starting with and now let

me give you three mindset tools that i

find to be super super helpful i’m going

to go over them briefly because i can’t

go into them all on one podcast but i’m

going to be talking about these a lot

more as we go and i have in-depth

lessons about this in the eat to live

academy which is part of the eat to live

family that awesome monthly group

coaching membership that i have okay so

how do we deal with these hindrances the

cravings and the thoughts now

um thoughts and cravings and things like

this tend to be sort of like signals in

our brain they’re really quick thoughts

they tend to be very automatic and

sometimes we don’t even notice that

we’re having them so how can we deal with these so number one

is a mindset tool that we call the model

we’ve talked about this before we’re

going to be talking about this forever

the model is the way that we break down

our thoughts and figure out how to

change them and i just said what it was

it’s thoughts create feelings feelings

create actions actions create results

okay so if we want different results we

just have to change our thoughts

and then the way that we can do that is

by working with the model so for

instance one thing that we might do

which is what we talk about a lot in the

family and you know the concepts i’ve

learned in my life coaching school and i

use it with all my private clients and my group clients

using this particular model itself the

way it’s written thoughts feelings

actions results and we put a little bit

in the beginning too called

circumstances so it actually goes

circumstances create thoughts

thoughts create feelings feelings create

actions and actions create results

when we put it in order like this it’s a

five-step thing

this is a way to characterize anything

that happens in the world like any

struggle that we have any problem we

have we just sort of plug it into the

model somewhere

and wherever it goes it’s either a

circumstance a thought a feeling an

action a result we can characterize

everything in the world in this model

wherever it goes in there then we start to like

play with that model a little bit we

open it up we expand those thoughts we

look at how we think and you know maybe

it’s like this or maybe it’s like that

or whatever we’re kind of like moving

things around and expanding this model

the more we look at this the more we

look at this one particular model

meaning this one thought that we’re

having or this thought pattern that

we’re having the more we look into that the more

depth we understand and the more like

by looking at it more and becoming more

familiar with what our

thought bullies are or our thought

patterns are or the way that our

cravings monster operates right

by looking at that more and more in depth

just that sort of introspection is what begins to

change things so people are always

asking like well how do i change my

thoughts how do i change that model well

the way to do it is actually to stay in

the painful one the one that’s really

causing us problems and when we open

that up and expand it enough

that’s when it starts to automatically

change itself because we get in so much pain

understanding what we’re these patterns

we keep creating and we when we really

sink into that that’s when we start to

think things like oh i don’t want to

think that anymore i’m automatically

going to think this other thing because that’s too painful

that’s when we really like

for instance i had a client who was

telling me about her thoughts in front of a mirror one time

and as i asked her well what else do you

think when you stand in front of the

mirror and then what’s that like and um

what is the shirt that you wear that you

don’t really like and what does it make

you think and you know i just kept

digging and digging and digging and

asking what is it like when you stand in

front of the mirror and finally we came

to some thoughts that she didn’t even

realize she was having which were things

that felt so unbelievably negative to her like

i remember one of them was oh my arms

are so fat i can’t stand my arms you

know and she starts talking about this

and she just can’t believe the

negativity in her language and it wasn’t

until we really opened that up that we

realized how much negativity there

actually was and that helped her to

start even just a tiny bit on a path

towards self-love and just not wanting

to talk to herself like that in the mirror anymore

so you see how i mean kind of just

digging and digging and digging and

finding more of that current thought

pattern is what starts to change things so we use the model

we do thought downloads where we look at

all of our current thoughts and then we

use that model to really open things up

we talk so much about more about that in

my coaching so that’s the first key that

we use and that is sort of the

model for everything that we do it’s

it’s very similar to like the cognitive

behavioral therapy model you’ve probably

heard a lot of these things before

and the model that we use in my coaching

is really really very specific and helps

to create this awareness

so much more easily okay the second

thing that we use in everything that i do is a sense of community and

accountability in a way and we sort of

pair that with what i do which is causal

coaching so i always talk about the

difference between accountability

and um sort of community you know these

ideas versus causal coaching we put them together

when we do that we really create a powerful formula for change so

community and accountability meaning you

know this is kind of the thing that we

hear about a lot we hear about oh just

join the facebook group and check in every day

and then you’re going to be successful right that’s

kind of the basics the basis for most

weight loss programs or most healthy

eating programs or whatever that you’ll see nowadays is just about

accountability come on enough phone

calls right go on enough check in enough

on the facebook group or that sort of a thing

now i do the thing i do think that there is a lot of

usefulness in that especially in the

beginning of our journeys maybe forever

but especially in the beginning of our

journeys many of us want to be able to get away from having to be so

accountable and that’s where the causal

coaching comes in so i’ll explain that in a second

but so many of us feel tied to that and

that’s something i feel when we talk

about accountability coaching or

change because of accountability

it’s always a little red flag to me if

that’s the only thing that we’re using

because it’s not sustainable all the

time for the rest of our lives to always

check into a facebook group whenever

we’re having an issue or to know now

it’s possible right you could change it

around your whole life so that that was the way that you lost weight

but what if there’s a power outage right what if there’s what if there’s a

wireless outage or something or or you

lose your job and you can’t pay bills

whatever and you don’t have the ability

to be in that program anymore then what right so for me the idea of

accountability or um you know community

they’re very important and they’re

wonderful things but they can’t be the

only thing we have to pair that with

what i call causal coaching or what we

call causal coaching in my coaching you

know the certification certification that i have done

causal coaching meaning that

the cause of our actual issues is what

we need to find and we need to you know

we talk about like the root of the

problem we need to get to that root so that we can learn how to

nurture that root and get it to a place

where it’s healthy again and so that the

tree you know of our journey so to speak

this metaphor the tree of our journey can

grow itself instead of you know imagine like a tree

and as the tree is growing up you know

they have those little stakes in the

ground and the wires that hold the tree

up as it’s really small and and sort of

getting its root system figured out and all that

but you never see these massive huge

massive oak maple trees whatever with

with things that hold it up all the time

right no the idea is that a tree once it gains its footing it can just keep

growing by itself then right so i see

the accountability the community and all

that as necessary maybe in the beginning

or at least helpful in the beginning but

then we really want to get to a place

where we no longer need that kind of

stuff right we can just keep going on our own

and then sort of become that successful

vision that we’ve always been looking

for but it’s because we actually got to

the root of the problem the cause of

that problem and if we look back at the

model the cause being our thoughts that

thought bully right if we can work out our thoughts

that’s when we really start to make that

permanent consistent change okay so

community and accountability being super

important and we offer that in the eat

to live family that’s what the whole

family is about that basis of it is to

get you in there to get you started with

community accountability we do have an

accountability program there’s so many

folks in there that are supportive and

loving and oh my gosh it is just

the community in there really is

incredibly supportive and just wonderful

to be in there knowing that so many of

us that we’re all doing this same exact

thing we want to eat to live whatever

version of that we want we want to lose

weight and maintain that healthy weight

and we want to be with others who are

doing the same thing right so eat to

live family is where we do that and

that’s where you can get that start that

support as well as the mindset tools to

create that causal change right where we

change the cause of the actual issue which is the thoughts okay

and then number three mindset tool now

we have so many other mindset tools in

the family and the academy that i offer

but i wanted to give this one because it really is the most hard-hitting

it’s the one that everyone wants it’s

the model what we talked about in the

beginning here this num the number one

mindset tool that i just gave you the

model is sort of the framework but this

next tool that i’m about to give you

which is called allowing urges

is just i mean it is the most phenomenal tool i’ve ever found

to change my own patterns with healthy

eating and any time i feel off i realize

it’s because i’m not allowing urges so

then i just go back to my basic tools start allowing urges again and then

everything works let me just explain in

a nutshell what this is if you want to

know more we’ll be talking about this more in the future

and we definitely talk about this all

the time in the eat to live family and i

have training programs about that as

well so allowing urges it’s a it’s it’s

not a new concept but it’s this idea

that you know we talk about the model

thoughts create feelings feelings create

actions so if feelings create our actions if we act out of feeling what

that means is that any time a hundred

percent of our overeating any time that

we overeat or emotionally anything any

time we eat more food than we need it’s because of our feelings it’s

because we’re emotionally eating it’s

because we feel something that we want

to get out of or we feel something that we want more of right we want to augment

a feeling or we want to diminish a

feeling or we want to get rid of a

feeling it’s always because of our

feelings and the feeling can be as

simple as oh my gosh this tastes so good

i really want more right that feeling

that urge that desire that’s a thought that i told you but it creates this

urgent desire of wanting to eat so much

more and then we end up eating more

because we feel so much craving right so what do we do in those situations it

doesn’t even necessarily have to be that

there’s something negative going on in our life we could just have seen a

commercial for a food and then suddenly we have this urge right

so the concept of allowing our urges

comes in now we have a very specific program that we follow in the family in

the academy and we use specific

implements called an urge jar or the

work we have a worksheet that we use for this but i’ll just give you the basic

technique and then you can start to

explore this more as we work together so allowing urges

if our feelings create our actions and

if our feeling is urgent desire or craving how do we

stop that craving how do we stop that

feeling it’s by now this may sound

counterintuitive but it is by having the feeling that stops it

now what do i mean by that by having the

feeling what i mean is like processing the feeling

feeling that feeling actually just having that feeling without acting on it

okay how does that look so that sounds nice right but like how does that look

well it doesn’t feel comfortable number

one it feels pretty uncomfortable it’s quite a strong discomfort

especially in the beginning when you haven’t done it before but i urge you to

try this because what this would look like is

um you know you say you see a commercial on tv and you see like a burger on tv or

something and they’ve got these like crazy commercials nowadays with like you

know it’s food porn basically they show

the burger as if it was like in your face or something you’ve got like all

the all the stuff right so you see this commercial now i’m

probably giving you urges right now too or cravings right now too for some of

you but this is the idea this craving starts right you start to

think about whatever food that is that is your trigger that you have been

triggered by your brain is going off

wanting to eat this food you know you can’t stop thinking about you keep

having these images in your mind you’re

imagining what it would taste like your mouth is watering all that right

now what happens is the number one step is

to notice that that craving is happening to you notice that that is a craving

that’s all you’re doing i’m just craving

right now right and then you name it right so this is a

craving i know what’s going on and then

you say to yourself something like and

it can be whatever but it basically boils down to the concept that i am

going to just feel this craving right

now so let me tell you what feeling is

it’s literally just a set of like sort of sensations or what we say

vibrations in your body i can give you

an example of one that’s pretty obvious

is when you feel shame or humiliation your face flushes

okay so you get your cheeks get really

hot they get actually visibly red because the blood rushes to your face

and that was just because of a thought right so that thought created a feeling

in your body and that feeling manifested itself as an actual

set of physical symptoms in your body

so in the case of you know shame or

embarrassment it’s the

the flesh cheeks or whatever but let’s

talk about what feeling happens when

you’re craving something there’s a few things that happen in our bodies

typically we will have racing thoughts right like

the mind speeds up really fast and starts to like have really fast

conversation at you about what you should do and what you should eat and

how fast you should go and you’ve got to

have it and right so racing thoughts sort of a thought flurry okay

then what’ll typically typically happen is you’ll have a watering mouth

right your mouth starts to water 

and you’re you start to yearn just the just

the feeling of chewing or you know you’re salivating or you’re

you’re thinking about this

feeling of chewing down on something swallowing something what’s that like

right that’s a very potent feeling that

you can have in your upper throat your upper chest your mouth

kind of called mouth hunger right where you’re just like you just want to eat

something you just want to bite into

something and choose something taste 

something right that kind of a thing

and you know that’s kind of it right like as far as cravings go it really is just

sort of this uncomfortable feeling in sort of the head neck chest area

and we’re not talking about hunger we’re just talking about craving right now

when you do you see something on tv 

and you just want to eat that you might get

a little hunger pain because your brain is going like oh yeah i actually am

hungry i totally should eat that thing right but that’s kind of that discomfort

now how would this look to just allow that craving what that looks like is

noticing as i said that it’s happening naming it in your head and then just

deciding at that moment once you’ve noticed it

you actually have a deliberate thought choice to allow that

discomfort those uncomfortable symptoms 

to happen to you period so for instance you have that craving

you’re sitting there and you go oh this is a craving i’m having it i’m going to

just allow this to happen to me it’s going to be uncomfortable

it’s not gonna kill me and i’m not gonna eat the thing right so

i for instance you might actually just sit there and think of the food that

you’re craving and go okay i’m just gonna crave it for a moment see what

that feels like let it happen to me let it wash over me and whatever

intensity it’s going to and i’m just going to let it happen until

it’s done and i’m willing to just let that craving happen now you can do that

and you can take a break

and just think about it and do that or you can go about

your day and do it at the same time it’s very easy to kind of just keep going

about your day and allowing that craving

to happen to you but you don’t want to

make the mistake of trying to distract out of that craving you know by

doing something else so that you don’t focus on it you really do want to allow

that craving to happen to you 

because i tell you what this is where the power of

the tool comes in when you interrupt that sort of thought feeling action

instead of having the action of eating the food and instead like instead you

just feel the feeling instead the craving itself goes away

so much quicker than had you been wrestling with it for hours or whatever

that is what we usually do and we’re negotiating with ourselves and all that

the feeling actually goes away so much quicker so that’s how allowing an urge

happens we go into so much more detail in my other programs and that is the

third mindset tool that i wanted to give to you today so today we talked about

the two hindrances that we face all the times our cravings and our thoughts and

i give you some examples of the thought bully 

and the cravings monster and then

i gave you three solutions which there’s so many more that we give to you in the

eat to live family we talk so much more in depth about these but the ones we

talked about today were the model itself using community and accountability with

causal coaching at the same time and 

we talked about how to allow urges okay so

i hope that was helpful next week we are

going to wrap up with the final tools for basics of eat to live and weight loss 

and i can’t wait to see you then